the Legend of the Foxy Muppet
To celebrate my 30th birthday, the beginning of a new decade, and my successful return to Saturn, I have decided to share the history of the Foxy Muppet.
I like the reactions I get from people when they hear the name "Foxy Muppet." Since it's my email address, I repeat it a fair amount for loyalty rewards. I get a lot of positive remarks, a few restrained giggles, and sometimes awkward silence from an un-amused audience. I like getting smiles out of people, and the ones that don't smile have to become the joke, for my own protection.
My last blog incarnation was under "Cupcake Jay." For a time, I needed Cupcake Jay. I used to go by Jay as my way of running from my past and taking on a new identity, aligned with when I came out to my parents. I was a Cupcake because I just wanted to make everybody happy. I became the author of "the Bittersweet Tales of Cupcake Jay." I can tell more of this story later, but naturally the blog was very angsty. I became a rebel, had accepted my own mortality, and was motivated by anger toward religion, holding it accountable for taking my family from me. I have learned much since my Bittersweet Tales.
I adopted the identity of Cupcake Jay outside of the closet, but before I came out I was Muppet.
I decided to go by Muppet when I was working on the beach one summer. I was 16 and working at the corn dog stand with some of my friends from school and these girls from the Bible school. We all smoked and shared cigarettes. There were also these guys I was friends with from church, but their aunt and uncle were the managers and friends of my parents.
Everybody at work had some cheesy nickname, kind of like a team building exercise. Some people got their nicknames from workplace incidents, others came with their own outside nicknames, and a couple people were so far above it all that they came up with their own nicknames. Everybody got to approve of their nicknames. I didn't like the nominations I got, so I thought maybe I was cool enough I could make my own nickname.
After much consideration I settled on Muppet. I loved the Muppets for their puns, quirkiness, and antics. I didn't watch much of the Muppets because I got the impression my family considered the Electric Mayhem to be drug addled hippies. Personally, I thought Janice was gorgeous with her long hair and cool misdemeanor, but I also loved the warmth and quirkiness of Gonzo. As a whole, I felt like the Muppets were an unlimited resource for good times, and that's what I wanted to be.
Fun Fact: My family spent some time doing puppeteering for church ministry. There were even conventions and rip-offs of "secular music", including a bastardization of the Bee Gees called "Paying Your Tithes."
I didn't feel like my smoking sisters received my nickname very well, but I insisted on it. Their reception made me feel less cool and I retreated a bit socially. The name stuck, but it felt like only something I understood. I began to feel rejected and slowly became isolated. The habits I picked up hanging out with my friends were becoming a gateway for me to an apathetic crowd and I was becoming scared for my future. I told my parents about some of what I was doing and insisted that I start homeschooling again.
In retrospect I was running from my problems. My parents understood that and wanted me to face my problems. My mother used to say she wanted me to stand up to people and "grow a pair". The problem is that when I did stand up for myself my mother didn't like what I had to say.
My social disconnections with my peers were connected to how I grew up. I didn't feel like I had much of a voice and eventually went into hiding. Trying to deny my sexuality as a teenager gave me something else to hide, and spending a lot of time at home made it harder to deny my thoughts. The demon of denial I was given by my parents began to push me towards self loathing and self harm. I went from being a Muppet to a ragdoll, and in a state of emotional release I made this art.
At first I made the poetry and the ragdoll, adding the blue paint later. The hair and piercing are suggestive of how I was styled at the time. Something about the heart being taken out and offered in loving sacrifice was later made to feel cliche, but it was original to me when I made it and it was presented from an extremely fragile place. I didn't show my parents for a number of reasons, the first being that it would ruin my life and put me on a path of "Christian" counseling by false prophets who speak words of exclusion and fear.
A year after I made this piece I had come out of the closet and moved out of my parent's house. I was spending time in the art department at the college and decided to revisit this piece. I had picked up some embellishing tricks, namely washes of paint and the way that salt breaks down paints into different colors.
Fun fact: I also went through a phase where I stamped art with my fingertips. My thought process was that my fingerprint was like a signature that could never be forged. Nobody else would have my fingerprints. It was like my DNA stamped into my art, binding my physical being to my creation for as long as it exists.This thought process is part of why I chose to not pursue digital photography and instead turned to more traditional methods.
"Foxy" was added when I first got on social media and became something of a title... "the Foxy Muppet". I went through a phase where I loved words like "groovy". I wanted to exude flirtiness while still being quirky.
After fighting online with my parents and members of their Church of Oppression, I eventually faded from social media, and spent a good amount of time without the internet, which caused fights with the boy that moved in with me for some time. When that relationship fell apart I found myself without friends as they all moved to other colleges, and minimal family connection because I felt too polarizing. I decided to run away from my problems and embodied Cupcake Jay. I was then Jay until I met Dallas and he convinced me to take back Jacob. It's amazing how far a little flirting will get him.
Fun Fact: my favorite childhood Holiday movie is a "Muppet Christmas Carol" and Dallas' is "Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas." We really were meant for each other.
Taking back the name "Jacob" also allowed me to take back the title of the Foxy Muppet. I'm allowed to heal and let go of the pain. Now instead of feeling lonely, I feel loved for the sultry character that I am. I'm even feeling loved by myself which feels like unfamiliar territory.
Entering my 30's, I'm feeling more optimistic about my future and more confident in myself than I did in most of my 20's. This feeling somehow surprises me, but the sense of surprise only feeds the optimism. I am ready to make a name and a legacy. I hope you're ready, 'cause it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights...
I like the reactions I get from people when they hear the name "Foxy Muppet." Since it's my email address, I repeat it a fair amount for loyalty rewards. I get a lot of positive remarks, a few restrained giggles, and sometimes awkward silence from an un-amused audience. I like getting smiles out of people, and the ones that don't smile have to become the joke, for my own protection.
My last blog incarnation was under "Cupcake Jay." For a time, I needed Cupcake Jay. I used to go by Jay as my way of running from my past and taking on a new identity, aligned with when I came out to my parents. I was a Cupcake because I just wanted to make everybody happy. I became the author of "the Bittersweet Tales of Cupcake Jay." I can tell more of this story later, but naturally the blog was very angsty. I became a rebel, had accepted my own mortality, and was motivated by anger toward religion, holding it accountable for taking my family from me. I have learned much since my Bittersweet Tales.
I adopted the identity of Cupcake Jay outside of the closet, but before I came out I was Muppet.
I decided to go by Muppet when I was working on the beach one summer. I was 16 and working at the corn dog stand with some of my friends from school and these girls from the Bible school. We all smoked and shared cigarettes. There were also these guys I was friends with from church, but their aunt and uncle were the managers and friends of my parents.
Everybody at work had some cheesy nickname, kind of like a team building exercise. Some people got their nicknames from workplace incidents, others came with their own outside nicknames, and a couple people were so far above it all that they came up with their own nicknames. Everybody got to approve of their nicknames. I didn't like the nominations I got, so I thought maybe I was cool enough I could make my own nickname.
Fun Fact: My family spent some time doing puppeteering for church ministry. There were even conventions and rip-offs of "secular music", including a bastardization of the Bee Gees called "Paying Your Tithes."
I didn't feel like my smoking sisters received my nickname very well, but I insisted on it. Their reception made me feel less cool and I retreated a bit socially. The name stuck, but it felt like only something I understood. I began to feel rejected and slowly became isolated. The habits I picked up hanging out with my friends were becoming a gateway for me to an apathetic crowd and I was becoming scared for my future. I told my parents about some of what I was doing and insisted that I start homeschooling again.
In retrospect I was running from my problems. My parents understood that and wanted me to face my problems. My mother used to say she wanted me to stand up to people and "grow a pair". The problem is that when I did stand up for myself my mother didn't like what I had to say.
My social disconnections with my peers were connected to how I grew up. I didn't feel like I had much of a voice and eventually went into hiding. Trying to deny my sexuality as a teenager gave me something else to hide, and spending a lot of time at home made it harder to deny my thoughts. The demon of denial I was given by my parents began to push me towards self loathing and self harm. I went from being a Muppet to a ragdoll, and in a state of emotional release I made this art.
At first I made the poetry and the ragdoll, adding the blue paint later. The hair and piercing are suggestive of how I was styled at the time. Something about the heart being taken out and offered in loving sacrifice was later made to feel cliche, but it was original to me when I made it and it was presented from an extremely fragile place. I didn't show my parents for a number of reasons, the first being that it would ruin my life and put me on a path of "Christian" counseling by false prophets who speak words of exclusion and fear.
A year after I made this piece I had come out of the closet and moved out of my parent's house. I was spending time in the art department at the college and decided to revisit this piece. I had picked up some embellishing tricks, namely washes of paint and the way that salt breaks down paints into different colors.
Fun fact: I also went through a phase where I stamped art with my fingertips. My thought process was that my fingerprint was like a signature that could never be forged. Nobody else would have my fingerprints. It was like my DNA stamped into my art, binding my physical being to my creation for as long as it exists.This thought process is part of why I chose to not pursue digital photography and instead turned to more traditional methods.
"Foxy" was added when I first got on social media and became something of a title... "the Foxy Muppet". I went through a phase where I loved words like "groovy". I wanted to exude flirtiness while still being quirky.
After fighting online with my parents and members of their Church of Oppression, I eventually faded from social media, and spent a good amount of time without the internet, which caused fights with the boy that moved in with me for some time. When that relationship fell apart I found myself without friends as they all moved to other colleges, and minimal family connection because I felt too polarizing. I decided to run away from my problems and embodied Cupcake Jay. I was then Jay until I met Dallas and he convinced me to take back Jacob. It's amazing how far a little flirting will get him.
Fun Fact: my favorite childhood Holiday movie is a "Muppet Christmas Carol" and Dallas' is "Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas." We really were meant for each other.
Taking back the name "Jacob" also allowed me to take back the title of the Foxy Muppet. I'm allowed to heal and let go of the pain. Now instead of feeling lonely, I feel loved for the sultry character that I am. I'm even feeling loved by myself which feels like unfamiliar territory.
Entering my 30's, I'm feeling more optimistic about my future and more confident in myself than I did in most of my 20's. This feeling somehow surprises me, but the sense of surprise only feeds the optimism. I am ready to make a name and a legacy. I hope you're ready, 'cause it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights...
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